


Flesh and Blood

by biotickaidan



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, F/F, Femslash, Grief/Mourning, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biotickaidan/pseuds/biotickaidan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i><b>husk</b></i><br/>noun<br/>1.	a reanimated corpse that craves human flesh<br/>2.	a.k.a., a zombie</p><p>Ashley Williams is on the run, the sole survivor of a terrifying encounter with husks. Alone, she knows she won’t make it far, but just when she thinks all hope is lost, a crossbow-wielding Jane Shepard and her companion, Kaidan Alenko, save her life. They take her in as one of their own, fighting to survive together, and Ashley finds herself looking at Jane in a whole new light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this idea has been in my head for so long now, and it feels amazing to finally get it out. i don’t really remember how i came up with it, actually, but i just realized that there are so many husk/zombie parallels and also not enough femshepley. so here you go. i’m really excited about this fic, and i hope you guys check back for updates! comments and feedback are always welcome!
> 
> also, thank you to my wonderful betas [notnowcommander (mallory aka biotictrash @ tumblr)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/notnowcommander/pseuds/notnowcommander), [brittany](http://minionofdoom.tumblr.com), and [spencer](http://jedishepard.tumblr.com)!!
> 
>  **EDITED:** i changed the tags for now because i thought they were misleading. this chapter doesn’t have a major character death in it (although now you’ve been spoiled for one to come but don’t know who, so... my bad!!). i was trying to catch everything, but i’m just gonna have to edit as i go.

Ashley hadn’t believed the reports at first.

People didn’t come back from the dead. You died, and you were with God, in a better place, at peace. You didn’t reanimate as a husk, a shell of who you once were, slowly decaying and stinking of death and gore and trying to eat people’s faces off. That wasn’t how it was, not according to what she’d learned in Sunday school.

Until now.

  **~~~**

The first time Ashley had seen a husk, it was in a YouTube video, back when the internet was still functioning reliably. She’d clicked on the twenty-second clip with a blurry thumbnail out of curiosity, thinking it had to be fake because there was no way zombies like the ones in the movies and television shows could possibly exist.

It wasn’t fake. It’d been posted by CNN, verified by multiple eyewitnesses. Twenty seconds of a disgusting, grotesque creature that had once been human gnawing on a living person’s face as they screamed their head off. She wasn’t usually squeamish, known for being the tough one in school, but it had chilled her to the bone. Disgusted, Ashley had tried to shake it off and still convince herself it wasn’t real.

There was no way it could be real.

  **~~~**

The Alliance, a new division of the U.S. military or not-so-secret task force, had been developed to try to clean up the mess and figure out what the hell had happened.

It was a virus. _It was always a virus,_ Ashley had thought. And, of course, the Alliance had thought they could stop its spread by tracking down patient zero and bombing the shit out of the hospital where it all began. It didn’t do anything, obviously, because Ashley knew you couldn’t stop a virus once it had made its way out into the world, outside the confines of concrete hospital walls and, in this case, the shiny metal of morgue lockers.

The official reports Ashley had read claimed it went like this: Some poor dude from the CDC, the stories said his name was Jenkins, had gone to the hospital sick. It was bad enough that he figured he should be treated, but not bad enough that it was immediately life-threatening. No one had suspected a thing. According to all the news outlets and Alliance documents, it had seemed like he’d just eaten a bad burrito.

But then it had gotten worse. Way worse.

Ashley remembered reading how the guy’s symptoms had progressed. First, he’d started to run a very high fever. Extremely bad, abnormal for even the worst food poisoning or flu cases. Then it had only gotten shittier for Jenkins, the poor sucker. He’d coughed up blood and was moved into the ICU, where nurses frantically tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with him and how it could’ve caused him to get _so_ sick, _so_ quickly. They didn’t have enough time.

When Ashley had first heard all the details, about how he’d died shortly after and they’d wheeled him to the morgue, all she could think about was how terrified the nurses and Jenkins must have been. Ashley had wondered if he’d felt it inside of him, the virus, killing him and making him want to eat human flesh. She’d held out hope for a cure.

  **~~~**

She’d decided she had to leave. Despite their failed attempts to bomb the hospital, the Alliance was at least doing something. She wanted to fight in any way she could. Joining them gave her purpose, duty, strength in numbers.

Ashley had told her family to go into hiding, to seek protection in one of the Alliance’s underground bunkers while she joined their fight. Or to secure the house and stock up on weapons if they didn’t want to go. Her mom and three sisters just weren’t fighters, not in the same way, and more than anything Ashley wanted to keep them safe. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

Watching a shaky YouTube video and reading the official reports hadn’t prepared her for actually seeing husks and fighting them off. A husk up-close had glazed over eyes, unfocused, and looked like if you’d known it when it was human, it might recognize you; but it couldn’t figure out who you were through the haze of being undead. It was so much worse than looking at a normal dead body. Ashley had been to funerals before, and the people always looked calm, as if they could just be sleeping. A husk was nothing like that at all.

Husks couldn’t speak, just like the dead, but the noises they made were far worse. They snapped their teeth, wanting to lash, tear, and bite; and when they caught a human’s scent, they made low moans, garbled but desperate. Some were missing half their mouths, others were without arms or legs or chunks of their torsos. Their skin was pale, scabbed and rotten, parts of it peeling off to expose the muscles and bones underneath. But by far the worst was when they were fresh.

A newly reanimated husk looked so much like the person who it had once been that it always made Ashley pause, precious seconds that really couldn’t be wasted when she was up against one of them. She just had to remember, _they weren’t who they once were._ That’s how she got it done. She focused on that as she lopped off their heads or shot an arrow through their skulls.

She liked to imagine she was giving them peace. Ashley didn’t know how husks were seen by God or whether their souls were already with Him, but if they weren’t she hoped that when she finally ended their existence they were better off. It wasn’t their fault they wanted to eat her. Maybe it wasn’t even part of God’s plan.

She tried to pray for as many of them as she could. She never imagined she’d be on her knees in the woods, her hands and shoulders shaking as she sobbed, praying for her friends and whispering their names one by one into the wind.

  **~~~**

Ashley had been running since it happened. It felt like it had been days, though it had only been hours, her legs and lungs burning from exertion. She’d been a coward, and she hated herself for it. She didn’t understand why she hadn’t been able to do it, to end their lives and stop them from becoming husks.

Maybe it was because somewhere, deep within her, she was still holding out hope for a cure, and they had been her squad–her _friends._ They had stuck together from the beginning, the 212. She couldn’t just kill them.

They’d all been bitten, it was hopeless, Nirali Bhatia had even _asked_ her to. (“Please, Ash. _Please._ I’m bitten, and it hurts, you’d be putting me out of my misery.) Ashley had loved Nirali like a sister. Yet she still couldn’t find it in herself to be the one to end Nirali’s life, to do what she wanted.

She had run instead, tears streaming down her face.

When Ashley finally slumped to the forest floor, leaning against a tree, her face upturned to the sky, she didn’t even notice that she’d made enough noise to alert the lethargic husks camouflaged against the tree just a few yards from her. She closed her eyes and sighed. “Please, God,” she breathed, “please give me the strength to get through this.” With her eyes closed, she thought that the sound of the husks slowly crawling toward her was merely the leaves rustling in the wind. It wasn’t until she heard the telltale sound of snapping teeth that she opened her eyes.

There was one about two feet from her, pulling itself along the ground because it had no legs, and another standing behind it, wobbling toward her. Their arms were outstretched, grasping at the air, reaching for her, and their mouths were working–the _click, click_ of their teeth as if they could already taste her. Her heart pounded, and she scurried away frantically. She scrambled to her feet and nearly tripped over roots and downed branches. Panting, she reached for her knife. Then she sank it into the legless husk’s skull.

As she stood up to kill the other husk, she froze. It was now much closer, and she could see who it had been when it was alive–a young woman with dark hair who had probably been pretty. She thought of Nirali, and sickeningly wondered what she’d look like as a husk. Ashley swallowed. Just then, a bolt from a crossbow whizzed past her from behind, ruffling her hair and burying itself between the husk’s eyes. She turned, looking for its source.

She found herself staring at a young woman with striking red hair and a dusting of freckles across her pale skin. The woman lowered the crossbow, satisfied, and gave Ashley a small smile. Ashley noticed that whoever she was, she knew what she was doing out in the woods. Not only was she armed with a crossbow and a good shot, but she had knives tucked into her boots and a gun slung at her hip.

“Jane?” The woman’s companion emerged from behind a tree. He was well-armed too, knives also tucked into his boots and an ax hanging loosely in his right hand.

“We’re good, Kaidan. Just two husks and…?”  
  
“Ashley. Ashley Williams.”

“Nice to meet you, Ashley. I’m Jane. Jane Shepard. This is Kaidan Alenko.”

“Thanks,” she breathed. “For saving my life.”

“Nah, you could’ve got her. But you’re welcome,” said the mysterious Jane Shepard. She smiled again, and Ashley found herself wanting to look away because it reminded her too much of Nirali’s. Shepard’s smile was warm and genuine, just like her friend’s had been. It lit up her face and made her dimples stand out on her freckled skin. Ashley managed a small, sad smile in return.

“You all right?” Kaidan asked her.

She shook her head and realized her hands were shaking again too. “No. My squad… my _friends,_ we were overrun. They were bitten, and I… I ran. I’m glad I ran into you.”

Kaidan’s face fell, his expression solemn, and her crossbow-wielding savior walked over to her. Shepard looked back at Kaidan, and he gave a slight nod. Before Ashley could wonder what it meant, Shepard took Ashley’s hands in hers, taking the knife from her shaking fingers and cleaning the husk’s brains off it before giving it back. “You’re with us now. Come on.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry this took forever. this chapter has been the hardest thing i’ve ever written in terms of process and struggling to find the words. it wouldn’t have happened without my wonderful betas [brittany](http://minionofdoom.tumblr.com/) and [mallory](http://biotictrash.tumblr.com/)! <3

They had been walking in silence for a while, the only sounds the crunching of leaves beneath their boots, the trees rustling, and birds chirping in the sky above them. Ashley followed closely behind Shepard and Kaidan, but she didn’t walk right next to them, not ready to see herself as a part of their group yet although they’d welcomed her with open arms. She had asked everything she needed to know so she wasn’t walking into their camp blind–where they were going, if they stayed with anyone else. They had told her there were four others with them: Garrus, Edi, Joker, and James, affectionately called by his last name “Vega.”

According to Shepard, Garrus was ex-military. Kind of a loner, he kept to himself most of the time. But she said he was a good shot, even better than her, and he’d have their backs no matter what. Ashley thought Edi and Joker sounded like an odd match, and Kaidan joked that you wouldn’t think they would work, but somehow they did. Finally, from what they described, she could only picture James as a big, macho dude who called his muscles “guns.”

They’d told her they lived in an abandoned neighborhood not far from here, just a few miles. Kaidan had said these woods pushed right up to a suburban cul de sac where they had cleared every house and now camped out in the big white one at the end of the street. To Ashley, it sounded like they lived like kings. It had to be too good to be true. She couldn’t even imagine a husk-free home anymore. Didn’t they realize it wouldn’t last? Did they not think it would eventually be overrun?

She couldn’t complain, though. If they hadn’t come along, if they hadn’t found her, she’d be dead or, worse, a husk. But that didn’t stop her from being wary. Shepard and Kaidan were nothing if not mysterious. Ashley had never seen anyone wield a crossbow before today, and Kaidan with his ax looked like he would be more at home chopping lumber than hacking off husk heads. Not that she didn’t think he was extremely capable, and she already had proof Shepard was. No, they just seemed so out of place in what Ashley had come to know of the world since it had gone to hell.

“So,” she said, breaking the silence, “are you guys Alliance?” Ashley couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought to ask until now, but if they were Alliance, then maybe they could help her contact Anderson, her “captain” back at HQ, where she had set out from with the 212. Maybe God hadn’t only given her two saviors, but also a way to keep fighting for what she believed in.

Ranks were hard to keep track of with people being eaten or contracting the husk virus and turning into undead monsters. But the last time she’d been able to contact HQ, Anderson had been alive. It was the morning before her squad was massacred. It wasn’t so long ago that there was no chance of reaching him again.

Shepard and Kaidan both stopped, letting her catch up to them, and Ashley knew that was a bad sign. Why couldn’t they just answer her?

“We were…” Shepard looked down sheepishly, embarrassed. Ashley realized then Shepard didn’t want to let her down.

“What do you mean, you were?” She didn’t mean to raise her voice as much as she did, but it just came out, high-pitched and cracking on the last word, emotions bubbling up in a mixture of rage and sorrow. _No_ , she thought. She didn’t want to cry in front of them. Or have an angry outburst they wouldn’t understand. She could hold it together. She just didn’t understand how they could be so careless. Did they not believe in what the Alliance stood for? If they had deserted, then Ashley might never hear from Anderson or anyone she knew again.

“Hey,” Kaidan said, his voice low and soothing. She looked up at him. “We still technically are, but,” he sighed, “we haven’t been able to contact them in a while. Our radio stopped working, we can’t get a signal–”

“Yeah, and if anyone could get it to work it’d be Kaidan,” Shepard interrupted. “He’s a nerd.”

“Hey!”

“Or Edi,” Shepard added, “or Garrus, always trying to calibrate the damn thing. I keep telling him, _it doesn’t work_.” She giggled, and Ashley found herself giggling too, despite herself. It was good to laugh, her spirits lifted even if just for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard continued, her voice soft and gentle. She touched Ashley’s arm lightly and looked into her eyes. “I really am. If we could get in touch with HQ, we would. We’d go to a bunker, we’d do anything. But… we can’t. We’re just trying to survive.”

Ashley nodded calmly. She understood. They were just doing what they could.

“We can protect you,” Shepard said fiercely, still holding on to Ashley, reassuring her. “What we have, it’s not much, and we’re not naive enough to think it’s gonna last forever, but it’s good right now. It’s home.” She smiled at Ashley, and this time Ashley didn’t want to look away. Shepard’s smile was the same as it had been before, warm and bright; but instead of thinking of the friend she’d lost, she wondered how Shepard still smiled so easily when they were up against so much.

“We’re almost there,” Kaidan said, pulling Ashley’s gaze away from Shepard. “Come on.”

They walked the rest of the way in line, next to each other. Together.

**~~~**

“So, just remember,” Shepard was saying as they approached the backdoor to the big white house with its clapboard siding, dark shingles and red trim, and wrap-around porch, “don’t take any of Joker’s shit. Humor’s his weapon of choice, and he’ll give you hell. But don’t worry, he’s harmless.”

Before Ashley could respond, Shepard knocked on the door. Not a normal knock either, a pattern. Two taps with the knuckles of her first two fingers, then four knocks, then one final tap with her first two knuckles. Ashley didn’t know what to make of it. Everything Shepard did, from holding Ashley’s hands when she’d taken the knife from her, to being almost _too_ nice, to having a special knock, caught Ashley off guard.

It had to be a code of some sort. Ashley knew they were being watched. She’d seen the flash of a rifle’s scope glinting in the fading sunlight in one of the second-story windows, and after a few moments no one opened the door, but an eye appeared in the peephole. “Password,” a deep, gruff voice said, then, “Damn, Lola, who’s the new girl?”

“Lola?” Ashley asked. She remembered Kaidan calling her Jane.

“Ignore him,” Kaidan told her. “He’s got a thing for nicknames. It’s pretty obnoxious sometimes, Vega,” he said loud enough for him to hear, rolling his eyes. So that was James. She was still confused about the password and the knock, so she was glad when Kaidan said, “If you’re wondering, it’s a silly tradition. You know, to distinguish ourselves from husks. We know it’s pointless, but it’s stuck.” He smiled, then turned his attention back to the door.

“Got a problem with that, K? Hmm, you might be sleeping on the porch tonight,” came James’ voice.

“Fuck you, Vega.”

“I’m not right for you, and you know it.”

Kaidan groaned. “Just let us in.”

“Password,” James repeated, unrelenting.

“Let us in, or I’ll break down the door,” Shepard shot back. “You know I could do it too.”

“But you won’t, you love this house too damn much. Now, password.”

“I’m not fucking saying it, James.” Shepard chuckled, shaking her head. “The new girl’s name is Ashley, by the way, and you’re gonna be nice to her or I’ll kick your ass. Just let. Us. In.” Then, to Ashley she said, “He’s harmless too, don’t let him bother you.”

“Password,” he insisted. Ashley could tell he was smiling even though she couldn’t see his face, and she wondered what was so funny.

“Fine, you asshole.” Shepard sighed. “James Vega, you are the epitome of physical excellence.” The deadbolt slid open, and James opened the door.

“Why thank you, Lola,” he greeted Shepard.

Ashley wasn’t sure if James was the “epitome” of physical excellence, but he was certainly huge. He had to be at least six foot three, a whole head taller than her, and he was corded with muscle all over. Tattoos covered his neck on one side, and a scar ran in a line across his right cheek to the bridge of his nose. Another marred the skin underneath his left eye, creating a crooked half-moon indent high on his cheekbone. He had close-cropped dark hair and stubble covering his jaw.

He looked Shepard up and down, inspecting the exposed skin of her arms and brushing her hair away from her pale neck and collarbone. She fidgeted. “You know if I was bitten, I’d already be running a fever. You’d be able to tell.”

“I know,” he sighed. He pulled Shepard into a bear hug, picking her up and squeezing her tightly. “Please tell me you have some rabbits hidden somewhere for me. I’m fucking starving.” He put her down gently.

“Sorry, Vega. Nothing today. The snares were empty too.”

“Shit, Lola.”

Shepard glanced over at Ashley, and she couldn’t meet Shepard’s eyes. If they hadn’t saved her, maybe they would be bringing home food instead of another mouth to feed. Ashley almost offered to leave then. She didn’t know how, but she’d figure out how to survive on her own. The last thing she wanted was to be a burden on them. They had worked so hard to make a home here. She was only a newcomer, an outsider.

Shepard’s firm voice stopped her. “We have enough,” she told Vega. “We’re running low, we’re not _out_.” She turned to Ashley. “Head on in with Kaidan. He’ll introduce you to everyone else, and you can take whatever you want from the pantry.”

“Oh, no… No, you don’t have to do that.” Ashley couldn’t believe it.

“I’m serious,” Shepard reassured her, glaring at Vega so he’d keep his mouth shut.

**~~~**

“Seriously, don’t let any of what Vega says bother you,” Kaidan told her as they sat down at the kitchen table, “and, don’t worry, we have plenty of food. We hunt to have good, fresh meat. Protein. Trust me, sautéed rabbit tastes fucking delicious when all you usually have is canned beans. But we’ve prepared for this. We’re all right.”

“Thanks,” Ashley said numbly. She gladly took the can of beans from him. She tried to hide how hungry she was, eating as slowly as she could manage.

Ashley took in her surroundings. The house was probably about as clean as a house could get, all things considered. There were a few bloodstains on the floors and walls, which someone had clearly tried very hard to remove. Some of the wood was cracked too, only getting worse, and paint was peeling off the walls. The floorboards creaked underneath her feet as she walked, and Kaidan warned her that the stairs were even louder. Extra weapons and some of the group’s personal keepsakes were haphazardly stored among the former inhabitants’ belongings. Spare ammo sat next to a family photo on the counter, the couple admiring their daughter as she smiled into the camera. Ashley averted her eyes. It was probably their blood on the floor. She didn’t want to think about it.

Kaidan led her into the living room, Ashley walking and eating at the same time. “Ashley–”

“Oh, you can call me Ash,” she corrected him, managing a small smile.

“Oh. Uh, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” She hadn’t bothered to tell anyone until now because she didn’t mind being called Ashley, it just wasn’t how a lot of people knew her. If she’d be living here for the foreseeable future, they might as well call her by her nickname.

“Ash, this is Joker and Edi. Joker and Edi, this is Ash.”

They were seated on the couch, Edi draped over Joker and wearing what Ashley assumed was his hat. She couldn’t be sure exactly how tall Joker was, but he was definitely shorter than James or Kaidan. He was leaner, sort of scrawny, and he had light reddish-brown hair. He’d let it grow into a full beard on his face. Underneath Joker’s hat, Edi’s blue-black hair hung in a short, angled bob. She had sharp, angular features too: narrow eyes; high, chiseled cheekbones; a strong jaw, and full lips. She was severe, but very pretty, her body long and lean.

“Hey,” Ashley said. She noticed a cane resting against the arm of the couch next to Joker and a wheelchair tucked into the corner of the room.

“What’re you looking at, huh? Of course you wanna know about my disease. Just because I’m crippled and can’t kill husks with crossbows or axes like macho lumberjack here”–he gestured toward Kaidan–“doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be here. I deserve to survive just like everyone else. I didn’t ask for this.”

“Jeff,” Edi sighed. She lovingly placed a hand on his chest, calming him. Ashley got the sense that she was only person on earth who called him by his real name.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Joker,” Ashley said. Her cheeks felt hot, she hadn’t meant to upset him, but she understood his defensiveness. “I didn’t even know until Shepard told me, but I don’t care. You’re more a part of the group than I am.”

“Oh. Sorry. It’s just… people always ask.”

“I wasn’t gonna.”

In an instant, the tension was gone. Joker chuckled, laughing it off, and leaned back into the couch, relaxed. But he looked at Ashley closely, his eyes settling on the can of beans still in her hand, which she was just about to finish, shoveling the last forkful into her mouth. “Damn, you got first pick of food?”

Ashley looked down, embarrassed. This was exactly what she’d been trying to avoid. “Shepard said I could have whatever I wanted from the pantry,” she explained, “but I didn’t want to take too much of your food, so Kaidan gave me this can of beans.”

Joker whistled. “‘Whatever you want from the pantry’? Boss lady said that?” He snickered to himself, grinning wickedly. “She must have something special planned for you.”

“What?” Ashley’s eyes widened. What the hell did that mean? Was this really all too good to be true?

“Shepard!” Joker called, yelling across the room.

“Coming,” she heard Shepard’s voice yell back. Moments later, Shepard and James appeared in the living room. James made himself comfortable on the couch next to Edi, but Shepard remained standing, leaning against the doorjamb. “What, Joker?”

“You told Ash she could have ‘whatever’ she wants from the pantry? ‘Whatever’? You don’t even offer me, the cripple, that much.” Joker pouted. “She’s gonna think we’re trying to fatten her up,” he teased. Then he turned toward Ashley again, a mischievous smirk on his face. “Haven’t you ever watched the movies? It’s always the nice ones you gotta watch out for.” He winked. “Don’t go upstairs.” Then he broke into a fit of laughter, giggling hysterically and struggling to catch his breath.

Edi rolled her eyes, glaring at her boyfriend. “...That was a joke.”

“Fuck you, Joker.” Shepard gave him the bird, but her rude gesture was lost in the commotion. James couldn’t help himself from laughing, slapping his knee and nearly crying. Even Kaidan, stoic, comforting Kaidan, was desperately trying to hide his smile.

It was a good thing Shepard had warned her to not take any of Joker’s shit.

Just then, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and a tall man came to stand beside Shepard in the doorjamb. This had to be Garrus. He carried a rifle on a strap over his right shoulder, and Ashley knew immediately he was the sniper she’d seen watching over them in the window. He had bleached hair that was shaved on either side of his head but left long and gelled back in the center. On the right side of his face, he had a nasty burn scar covering his jaw, up onto his cheek, and down along his neck. Ashley couldn’t decide whether it made him more attractive or less. He wore it with pride, a sign that he had survived when he probably shouldn’t have. To anyone else, he would probably be intimidating, but scars didn’t faze Ashley.

“I saw you in the window,” she told him.

“Hmm, you know what to look for. You’re smart, I like you.”

**~~~**

Ashley lay awake in bed that night, sweaty and shaking from another nightmare. She could avoid thinking about what had happened if she kept her eyes open. If she didn’t let herself fall back asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw her squad being devoured, bitten, getting sick from the virus. In her mind’s eye, their faces contorted into rotting flesh and snarling teeth. She hadn’t even stayed around long enough to see all of them turn, to kill them all.

Nirali’s voice came to her, begging for mercy Ashley hadn’t been able to give. She had started to cry quietly into her pillow when she heard a soft knock at her door. Instantly, Ashley sat up straight and hurriedly dried her eyes. “Can I come in?” It was Shepard’s voice.

“Yeah,” Ashley said weakly. Shepard had given Ashley her room, insisting that she didn’t mind sharing with Kaidan and James for the night and that Ashley deserved to get a good night’s rest. She probably wanted her bed back, which Ashley was fine giving up.

So Ashley was surprised when Shepard simply sat down next to her, letting a few beats of silence pass before speaking again. “You were screaming,” she whispered. “I told James and Kaidan I’d check on you.”

“Oh.” Ashley’s face reddened, and she was glad for the darkness. She hadn’t known she was making any noise.

“It’s okay,” Shepard said quietly. “You’ve been through a lot. I had nightmares too. I saw my family get killed by husks.”

Ashley looked up, realizing that Shepard had just told her, someone she’d met only hours ago, something she normally kept locked away, hidden. It was a moment of utter vulnerability, openness, and Ashley didn’t take it lightly. She knew she’d been given something that Shepard didn’t give away often. “I’m so sorry.”

Shepard shook her head. “No, it’s not your fault. Not mine, either. Just like what happened to your squad isn’t your fault. You don’t have their blood on your hands. I know it might feel like you do, but you don’t.”

“You don’t understand.” Ashley’s voice cracked, and she bit her lip to hold back her tears. “One of them, Nirali, she asked me to kill her. I knew she was gonna turn, but I couldn’t do it. She begged me, and I… I couldn’t do it.”

“It’s all right.” Shepard tentatively placed her hand over Ashley’s, not holding it but forging a connection. Warmth. “You can’t blame yourself. I know you want to, I know you’re imagining everything you could’ve done differently, every move you could’ve made. But, Ash, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

They stayed like that for a while, Ashley letting herself be comforted by Shepard. Finally, she pulled away slowly. She dried the last of her tears and looked into Shepard’s eyes. “Thank you. For everything. For this especially, and, uh, for not mentioning how I choked. I just froze, and I couldn’t even kill one husk. I’m sure you noticed.”

“I used to imagine people I knew too. I get it.”

Ashley realized that her prayers had been answered in more ways than one. It was a miracle that Shepard and Kaidan had found her in the forest, and now in this unconventional group, with Shepard as their polestar, she just might find her strength again.


End file.
